The Weakest Nink

I don't like The Weakest Link because of Anne Robinson.
The obnoxious questions and stupid sayings are what spoil it. "You got 10 questions in a row right but someone banked too soon. who put the pooper in the scooper?"
"Alan, why Keith? Hold on Alan, you're ugly, why should we listen to you? Are you from Booormingham? Isn't everyone from Booormingham stupid Alan? You're stupid Alan, HAHAHAHA and I'm really great".

The uproar about Annes' anti-Welsh comments made me laugh though. I don't have anything against the Welsh. Its just that I like it when people get up in arms about trivial nonsense. Like the impending world war and global freezing.

The workmate with no brain.

Isn't it annoying hearing these words from a workmate "God, don't you hate it when there's nothing to do". Errr no I don't, I love it! Getting paid to do nothing is brilliant. This isn't your company you moron. You aren't going to benefit from increased profits. Relax. Look out of the window. Make a start on writing that novel.

Bwow bwow wow

You too can do this. Simply send me 5p and I will send you the secrets. Amaze your friends and family.

The Biggest Spaz on the Dance Floor

The title says it all. Can any of you guys dance? I'm ok when I'm doing the hoovering round the house and listening to Eazee Mutha Phukkin' E'z - Nutz On Ya Chin. I can bust some funky moves. However when I get dragged on to the dance floor gravity increases thus making the legs impossible to move, the thumbs come up and the shame sets in. Whatever happended to all the great hoovering/Eazee E moves? Wank.
I was going to end it there but I think I know why. They don't play Nutz On Ya Chin or the Beasties - Intergalactic at anything I go to. It's more likely to be Shania Twain's catchy yet shit Man, I Feel Like a Woman.
Public service announcement. Things not to do:

• Flailing your arms.
• Jumping up and down (I do this).
• Screaming "Woooo!" while moving.

Peace, out.

Do I loose points for bad spelling?

People who spell "loose" instead of "lose".This is a big big big pet hate of mine. I know that it's easy to make mistakes. But, I am a word snob so these idiots need to be shot in the face with a paint gun *THWACK* *THWACK*.*THWACK*. The feckers will drive me insane in the membrane. The image that accompanies this post deserves a hate posting all of its own. What sentimental twaddle. Click it, read it and shake your head.
Click this sentence to see a big hairy fud

Beans means ... Hovis.

I really liked the Hovis bread wrapper with the beans on it. It was great. Even though I didn't need bread I bought it anyway. What a great piece of design work. They now seem to have opted for a new camoflague design. I couldn't see hovis bread anywhere so I just picked up any old white bread. It turns out that it was Hovis with a new wrapper. A design so poor that even when you stare at it you can't see the word Hovis (even though it's written in big letters). Is this just a clever ruse to get people up in arms, just like the new coke/classic coke scam? Answers please to Alan@I_hate_schnurk.com

Quote me bappy, flappy, nappy, rappy...

elephant.co.uk yes elephant.co.uk that's elephant.co.uk, one more time, just so you don't forget elephant.co.uk. That is such an annoying advert. Some might say that it works because I remember it. Yes. But. The advert annoys me so much that I am never going to go with elephant.co.uk. Even if their insurance cost 1p!!!! So the stupid advert hasn't worked, has it? Ha!

Scroll down..this is really funny...

I receive emails that make me feel like screaming at the sender. Here's an example
WORDS OF WISDOM
1.Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead, do not walk ahead of me, for
I may not follow, do not walk beside me either, just leave me the hell
alone.
2.When someone says, "Do you want my opinion?" - it's always a negative
one.
3.The word listen contains the same letters as the word silent.
4.(I'll stop the example there. There are usually about 20 of these statements at the very least.)
Someone read that and went to all the effort of sending it to me. I stare at my monitor as if the message read "I sent you this because I hate you. p.s I am going to shove some dogshit through your letterbox later on, I'm not joking."

Schnooperman

If you know anyone who's seen the new Superman movie ask them what they thought of it. The only thing that people can say is "it's just like the old ones but with better graphics". Really? who would have thought it? I was expecting it to be more like Emmaneulle 2 but with worse special effects. Yes, special effects, not graphics. Graphics are in games. This is a favourite topic of conversation between me and Mr Coick-Kicker.

How to Whistle — Loud!

I live in a housing scheme. Loud sounds tend to stay enlosed and bounce off the buildings. Occasionaly you hear a kid who's learning to whistle loud. I suppose their dedication is to be admired. However hour after hour and day after day of "weee-wooo ... weee-woooo ... WEEEE -woo.. phweep-woo..phweeep PHWEEP PHWEEEP PHWEEEEP" can grate a little on the nerves. The little bastards.

Verdict: 9%

My favourite magazines were those that reviewed computer games. My favourite reviews were of those games that got slated and awarded an ultra low score. I would read those with glee. I'm talking about mags like Crash, Big K, Computer and Video Games, Your Sinclair...
I was reminded of this when reading Retro Gamer (Load→24), page 101. This review is of a new game made for an old system. The Slarti and Stash Space Saga for the Commodore 64 or emulator. The game get's 9% and the review has some nice harsh words;

"...it's time to reset your computer as you ponder why you've spent that time playing this...that would be all well and good if there was anything like a game here but there clearly isn't.... if you want to be reminded of all those gaming disasters of yesteryear, give this a try. Otherwise, avoid like the plague."*Click the image to see it move, whee!*

Hooray, that cheered me up. Apparantly the game is a free download so you can ch-ch-check it out yourself by clicking anywere on this sentence.

Got this thing.

This has annoyed me a lot. What has? People who miss the word "I" from the start of a sentence. Noticed this a lot on Amazon reviews (this very sentence is an example of what I mean).

Whilst looking for examples of missing the first word from a sentence I found something else that I hate: Reviews on Amazon that start "ok" or "right" or "well". Here's an example that starts with an "OK" and even better (or more annoying) has a missing "I" from the start of the second sentence.

"OK, Im one of those who played (and loved) SWOS back in the day on the Amiga.

Not really sure whats happened here - maybe Fifa and Pro Ev have just raised the bar but I was more than a bit disappointed, so much so that I (like another reviewer) sold the game on pretty quick. Its far too kick and rush and feels more like a rugby game at times. Also, the keepers are poor and its just way too easy, I got to the World Cup final first time playing it?!?"
http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B000ENN9A6/202-3194866-4245451?v=glance&n=300703
Review posted 10 Jul 2006